The Simsdyke (Samsonite Suitcases) Band have announced the appointment of Mbobo Chetengwe on solo baritone.
Band secretary Audrey Drabble said, "I'm 58. I'm a frustrated librarian. I'm a virgin. Then I got the Internet, the next thing you knew I was e-mailing huge black men on death row in America trying to satisfy this itching in my silken glove".
Audrey continued, "Then I met Mbobo Chetengwe. He had been arrested and prisoned in Alabama for having the top two buttons of his shirt unfastened. Needless to say he was sentenced to death!"
"As I was chatting to him over the Internet, fingering my virgin silken glove through my cardigan, I found out that he was a simpleton. He cannot defend himself because he has an IQ of 23. However, I now know that he can also see into the future. He told me Welcome Lad would win the 3.30 at Chepstow and then went on to tell me that, if I got him out of prison, he would bash my librarian tuppence in with 18 inches of black meat".
"We needed a baritone player so I contacted the prison governor. He said it was fine and if I signed the appropriate paperwork they would fly him over strapped to a sack cart with a mask over his face, and a bigger one over his 18 inches of black meat".
"Now he's here I can't believe it. The irony is that when he's playing with the band he will have to have the top two buttons of his shirt fastened!"
