The impending loss (and therefore long-running argument and finger pointing) of the English Band Registry (Including Wales) has proved very confusing. We are a site devoted to brass bands and even we can't work out what the fuck is going on!
However, in an exclusive poll we conducted via a public phone booth in Cowersley, the drama does seem to have brought out one of the most redeeming features lurking within the modern day bandsman (or indeed woman), general apathy!
Bob Sturgeon of the Perry Autos Band said, "I can't understand it, but then I don't have to. Other people in my band have to worry about this sort of shit. I've got better things to do".
Thomas Legrande of the Strictly Come Banding Brass Ensemble said, "Why should I bother? I have to go to the Area contest whether I like it or not. In registration I meet a committee member from my band that I only ever see once a year, who hands me a meaningless card with an old photograph of me on it. I don't care if that card comes from England or Wales or Timbuktu. I don't care if the card has cost the band £1.50 or £30.00. I don't even care if they don't give me a card because we no longer need one. I don't care".
Brian Oestrogen of the Ferrero Rocher Engineering Band told us, "We should learn a lesson off of Norway. I don't know what they do about registration over there 'cos I've never been, but it must be better than the shit we've got ourselves into over here!"
The Norfolk Prince told us, "The problem is most brass band people are ill-educated, whereas I use Google a lot. What we need is a two-tier system with clear and open accountability..." we put the phone down.
A man only wishing to be known as Wooden Horn, said, "I wasn't there and I know nothing about it, so couldn't possibly comment. However, I do still feel the need to express my opinion anyway. This includes a personal attack on Mr. Fred Gubbins of the English Band Registry, who, inbetween balancing a day job and doing all this registration stuff on a charitable basis, shouldn't have made such a mess of it. If I was doing this registration stuff on a charitable basis and balancing it with a day job I'd do my best to ensure that everything was perfect. It clearly is not!"
Lucy Pentlove of the Darrowby Plain Sails Band (a teacher) said, "The English Band Registry hold all our cards. They've got them all. I worry about it. I mean I've got OFSTED in next week but this registration thing, even though I don't understand it, is taking up all my time. I fear for the future of young people if this isn't sorted out".
Malcolm, the Bandstand's roving reporter, said, "We should really be stirring this thing up. It could get great traffic for the site if we approach it in an antagonising and provocative way. We could really pour some oil on the fire but I fear, as usual, none of us really know what the fuck is going on".
And that sums it up really. Nobody at the Bandstand knows what the fuck is going on and, it seems, nobody in banding really cares.
