The Bandstand has been informed of the death of Gordon Stingray.
Stingray died of a heart attack on Tuesday after being arrested by police whilst rubbing his own faeces onto the chest of a prostitute on wasteland opposite the Perry Como Industrial Estate in Felix St. Judes.
He is (sorry, was) best known as musical director of the Laura Ashley Curtains Band during their heyday in the 1980's when they won the Peeves Purviss Open not once, but twice.
He leaves a widow Joan, a daughter Karen (aged 48 but still with a nice pair of tits, you'd probably fuck her), and several heavy debts.
A spokesman for the Laura Ashley Carpets Band said, "Gordon who?..."
