All eyes are on Flingthorpe-on-Sea this coming Sunday for the 279th Flingthorpe Open, where ten of the country's top bands will compete for the coveted title at the Cannon & Ball Leisure Centre.
This year's set work is Clive Rathbone's fiendishly difficult "Whoops Britannia", which will surely see players and conductors alike prove themselves on one of the biggest stages in Flingthorpe. Come what may, one thing is for sure. Whoever is holding that famous old cup on Sunday evening will have truly earned the title!
Here's our lowdown on the runners and riders:-
Brass Band Bonkikonken Buglekorps
Conductor: Klaus Reinhardt
Controversy surrounds the first ever invitation to a band from foreign shores and much has been discussed. However, the reigning Dr. Oetke Champions with the excellently dark and depraved Klaus Reinhardt in charge should announce their arrival with a bang.
Chubley Invicta
Conductor: Maurice Bedspring
Chubley have established themselves at the contest with a number of middle-of-the-road, peas-in-a-pod performances over recent years. They will hope to raise their game this time and go that step further.
Cobalt Brass '95
Conductor: Pricksome Velvet IV
Having flattered to deceive at recent contests many feel this outfit is a sleeping giant and that this could finally be their year. With a knowledgable captain like Pricksome at the helm they are sure to provide a solid performance, unless they shit themselves again..
Emley Potatoe Works Band
Conductor: Geoff Largely
The Yorkshire powerhouse last won the title in 1987 and will be more anxious than ever to end the agonising wait to get that trophy back in that famous old Yorkshire bandroom. With new faces around the stand and the freshly appointed Geoff Largely to guide, much interest will surround this one.
Mingthwaite Conquistador
Conductor: Stan Ottoway
Dribbling away in the dregs at the last two contests, Mingthwaite will have to pull out all the stops just to ensure survival. Relegation threatens but Stan Ottoway is an experienced campaigner and will use his limited resources to the full.
Oxton Brass
Conductor: Larry Poindexter
This southern outfit have failed to hold their own against their northern counterparts, but everybody knows that bands down south are shit. It could be curtains for them this time unless they can pull off the great escape. The recent signing of talented Carston Webley on principal cornet from local rivals Zone Two Brass may be enough to steady the ship though.
St. Derek's
Conductor: Rosemary Chubb
The surprise package at last year's contest with a creditable 3rd place, this lot should be snapping at the heels of the big boys once more. Heavily chested MD Rosemary Chubb will undoubtedly produce one of the finest sights of the day again if she chooses another low cut blouse for stage that makes her tits proper jiggle whilst she is wagging.
Snetterton Silver
Conductor: Clint Highway
Snetterton make a welcome return to the contest having won promotion with a fine showing at the Crown Derby Teapot Contest in May. With that kind of momentum behind them they will look to avoid the kind of hapless performance that got them relegated in the first place.
Staveley Scout Band
Conductor: Lee Crupps
The reigning champions snatched the title under a cloud last year with rumours of a registration irregularity. However, now the Registry is fucked they should have no such problems this time around. They have enough about them to win it again, as do most of the others.
Tuppery & Sneedsdale
Conductor: Brian Expensive
Reliable corner men and a sound like a traffic cone, Tuppery should be right up there come Sunday evening. Nobody can argue with Brian Expensive's pedigree and he will look eagerly to adding this title to the other ones he has.
ATB prediction:-
No idea, we make it up as we go along. Anyway, here goes...
1. Tuppery & Sneedsdale
2. Emley Potatoe Works Band
3. Brass Band Bonkikonken Buglekorps
Patronising them 'cos they're probably shit but we might say they'll come in the frame band: St. Derek's
Fucked (i.e. about to be relegated): Mingthwaite Conquistador
