The Tuppery & Sneedsdale Band under musical director Brian Expensive have taken today's Flingthorpe Open title with an immense performance that we thought would be third.
As the band celebrated on stage, conductor Brian Expensive spoke to them via live video link from his private golf course in Portugal to which he had flown as soon as he left the stage. He was smoking a huge cigar and appeared to be stroking his cock in an arrogant yet strangely erotic way.
Tuppery band manager Clinton Hammer said, "This is unbelievable. Brian demanded and the band responded. Now we can bombard social networking sites with individual photographs of ourselves and our children holding this famous old trophy!"
Snapping at their heels were Belgian (we think, it is still to be confirmed) champion Brass Band Bonkikonken Buglekorps. Yorkshire powerhouse Emley Potatoe Works Band had to be content with third place and MD Geoff Largely said, "Congratulations to Tuppery but it really is a fucking carve up this one".
Full results:-
1. Tuppery & Sneedsdale
2. Brass Band Bonkikonken Buglekorps
3. Empley Potatoe Works Band **
4. Staveley Scout Band
5. St. Derek's
6. Cobalt Brass '85
7. Chubley Invicta
8. Snetterton Silver
9. Oxton Brass
10. Mingthwaite Conquistador *
* justifiably relegated to the Crown Derby Teapot Contest after a woeful performance
** are fucking fuming at this result
Winner of the Sammy Winward Off Of Emmerdale Statuette For Least Romantic Solo was Brian Bubbles, soprano cornet with Tuppery.
