Christ has entered the ongoing brass band registry debate. In a statement issued to the Bandstand the Son of God said, "To be honest we had hoped to keep my second coming a bit more low profile, keep the believers guessing, if you know what I mean. But me and my dad have been watching brass banding make such a fuck up of this registration thing that we simply had to intervene".
Bandsmen will be pleased to hear that a consultation paper has been put together by the Holy Trinity for debate at a forthcoming meeting. Christ explained, "I was worried about how I might get down here to sort it. Typically my dad had left me dangling by the balls and not for the first time. However, Joseph of Aramathea has a Vauxhall Corsa and he gave me a lift to earth to sort this whole fucking mess. I suppose you could say that Mary Magdalene was fucking fuming as we roared out of the drive like something off of Back To The Future, except in a Vauxhall Corsa".
The meeting will take place next Tuesday at 8pm at the Tram Ticklers and Coal Collecters Social Club, Barnsley. Christ said, "We always assumed the second coming of Christ would send the world ballistic, I mean like total madness. We had to be careful, the Devil had been a bit of a cunt in the intervening years but we were prepared to keep our cards close to our chest, bide our time, you know what I mean?"
"Then Dad said, you know what, my son? This is brass banding. Nobody really cares. And out of the few that do care even fewer actually understand these registration issues. If all goes according to plan we can get you down there, sort this painful mess out and get you back up to Heaven before anybody even realises you've even been there. Just don't wear that fucking crown of thorns, dress like a binman from Doncaster. Then we can still save the second coming for a later date".
Then the clouds parted dramatically, angels sang then things got a bit more sinister. It was God, and he told the Bandstand exclusively in a big, deep, boomy voice, "If brass banding fails to heed the words of my son then they might end up with two different registration systems. They should have one registration system. If they end up with two then I will show my anger, probably with an earthquake in China or the Middle East. You have been warned!"
