A study by the University of Cartworth Moor has revealed that the average female player struggles to park in their bandroom car park.
Lay-Professor of Female Parking Studies Professor Sam Tippett said, "Bandroom car parks are notoriously short of space. Most of them are not fit for purpose and simply cannot accommodate the number of cars bands would be expecting on a successful night. In the study we carried out over three months we have seen some shocking parking by birds outside the bandroom."
In one case the team saw a space wide enough for two double decker buses laid end-to-end but, because she was reversing in, she managed to somehow turn sideways on and effectively wedge herself between the parked vehicles. Lay-Professor Tippett said, "Getting out of her car you'd have thought she'd have spotted the shit parking but she simply took her flugel horn out of the boot that she could only just open wide enough because of backing up sideways too far on to the car alongside her, and waltzed into the bandroom without a care in the world, probably still day-dreaming about the shoes and handbags she had been shown on Loose Women earlier that day".
In another case the team monitored a space alongside a bandroom that was perfect to reverse park a large vehicle into. Tippett told the Bandstand, "This splitarse rolled up in a little Japanese hatchback. She stopped alongside the space and thought for a while, checking her makeup in the mirror and reapplying her mascara whilst drivers behind were honking their horns. Then she decided to leave the space alone and go and park three quarters of a mile away and walk to band."
But what is the solution? Lay-Professor Tippett has the answer. "If brass bands are serious about welcoming female members, they will have to make their car parks a lot larger to accommodate the poorly thought out and inconsiderate parking that goes along with it".
