Terminally dull and yet effervescently self-gratifying euphonium laiker Gary Beige will be a key note speaker at next month's Euphonium Players Annual Get Together, to be held this year at the Knutsford Services Conference Centre, Poynton.
Beige said, "This conference gets to the heart of the future of euphonium playing at all levels and to all standards. To be honest, I read the flyer and couldn't be arsed. However, the organisers, needing to get bums on seats to cover the cost of room hire, have offered me my train fair, accommodation, meals and £500 in used notes in my back pocket".
"Having previously not been arsed, I now realise that this is the foremost symposium for lower brass in the western world and to be invited to be a key note speaker is extremely humbling. It's almost as if I'm not really worthy, but then I remind myself that I am".
Beige said, "I will wear my heart on my sleeve and be frank about my upbringing. Born into a lowly middle class family, I remember we had three cars but only a double garage, so we had to leave one car out on the drive all night. It really was that tough. Then, aged seven, I was given my first, brand-new top of the range euphonium and as many private lessons as I could get in. They were tough times but I got through them, maybe just through my own self-determination".
"After that I might just pick up my humble little top of the range brand new sponsored instrument and knock out Grandfather's Clock. There shouldn't be a dry eye in the house!"
Tickets, originally £5.00, are now £17.50 and organisers are appealing to middle class parents of young lower brass players to suddenly get involved. One said, "If you have money to burn and you fail to send your child to this event, they will hate you forever, because, I tell you what, I bet all their friends are going!"
