Jacob Lipton, the 3 year old cornet prodigy, is to be guest star performer at this next weekend's (the one coming up not the one just gone) Wycombe Festival.
Festival organiser Fanny Fairweather said, "Jacob is a legend, we simply had to get him. Then his parents asked for £500 in used notes and the demands started. He wants his own tent backstage, eight bottles of blackcurrant Fruit Shoot and a bag of sugary poekemons. The one thing he doesn't want is that old cornet teacher of his what used to touch his genitals innapropriately during lessons. He was quite clear about that".
Thankfully everything is now in place and the self-obsessed, obnoxious little shit with the money-grabbing parents is set to wow the crowd with renditions of "Take Me Gently", "Up Against the Parlour Window" and "Jam Spoon".
