The Ainley Top Bandstand has been informed of the death of Chigley Boomslang MBE.
Boomslang was for many years Musical Director of the Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew (It's the Final Countdown) Band of St. Neots-on-the-Tweed.
He died on Tuesday morning masturbating furiously whilst holding a tangerine in his mouth as as a Taiwanese lady boy urinated on his face, eventually suffocating (or drowning, we're not fucking doctors, what's the verdict?)
Anyway, he was well respected, etc.
It should be a cracking autopsy.
