Rumours are rife within the banding movement about just what the impending announcement by the Windermere Colliery Band will be.
Brian and Marjorie Nincompoop, of Badger Terrace, Gurnside, suggest it might have something to do with the celebrated film Brass Tacks. Brian said, "Since hearing the announcement about a forthcoming announcement my wife and I have been on tenterhooks" (is that how you spell it, please check Malcolm, I don't want to look a tit - Ed)
"We've followed the band for over 150 years and still shell out £30 between us for concerts where we hope they will still play the same old stuff. But we think this announcement may be connected to the film, Brass Tacks".
"It's that scene where the musical director is riding to band rehearsal on a whippet and gets run over by a steamroller. Flat as a pancake, some members of the band post him through the colliery letterbox. However, that fit bird with the nice tits who joined the band but was really a coal board insider screws him up and throws him in a waste paper basket".
"You think that's him done and dusted and we still cry at it now. But then his son, who works as a knife thrower in the circus on his nights off from band, not that he wants to, its just to feed his family 'cos those miners had fuck all, hears his muffled screams and breaks into the colliery to rescue him".
"They decide to turn him into a paper aeroplane (don't forget he's been run over by a steamroller so he's still very flat) and chuck him off of Scafell Pike whilst the band play "In a Monastery Garden" (soon to be included on their forthcoming CD) whilst wearing crowns of fairy lights".
"Yes, we hope it's something to do with that".
