The Windermere Colliery Band have done their best at the opening of the Elsecar Athletics Tournament. Having announced announcement after announcement to build us all up to it they were finally there.
Sadly, they were not picked up on camera at all. Viewers saw Egyptian drummers, stilt walkers from Azerbaijan and Japanese Jews building a wendy house under the guise of an influx of all manner of people into Elsecar, presumably in the 1950's when all that stuff went on.
Band spokesperson Clayton Blackmore (who used to play for Manchester United) said, "We tickled, we teased, we announced something, we withdrew the announcement and announced another announcement. It all boiled down to being on the telly and it seems we weren't".
Now, like the moon landings, people don't believe they were actually there.
Joan Hoopla of the Mangina Moor Band said, "We've seen pictures of members of the Windermere Colliery Band posted on popular networking sites such as Twingo, Funbook and @whatever. But how do we know they were really there?"
In a moon landings-type conspiracy Jonny Hydro of the West Carlton Powderkeg Band said, "You look at that photo on Twingo of them lining up in the tunnel. You can see a flag flying stoutly behind them. If you check the weather forecast for central London it was for light breezes. That flag could not have flown like that behind them if they were there, which obviously they weren't".
Stanley Ottoway of the Cobden Cow Creamer Band said, "That shot of them in the tunnel counting their money, the shadows are going the wrong way. They weren't there".
It should be a cracking conspiracy.
