The Government have finally, today, apologised for the complete fuck up over the Banding Registry.
Government spokesman for Brass Banding and Other Working Class Hobbies, Sir Norbert Privilege MBE, told the House, "It's a mess. We took our eye off the ball. Back in the 1920's brass banding was honest as the day as was long. Then money got involved. All of a sudden there were conductors wagging three bands at the same contest, there were certain well known cornet players performing with several bands. It was a free-for-all. The Government had to step in and create the Banding Registry to stop working class people earning too much money. One could earn a mediocre living wage doing something with one band, but shouldn't then be allowed to top that up with immoral earnings from another band".
"All of a sudden there was a ceiling on how much top earners could earn, which pleased our fans in the Wankers Section, what had helped vote us in".
"It ran well from then on. To be honest we didn't really spend much time on it for 60 years. Then, all of a sudden, the 80's kicked in. Manufacturing people kicked off big time, especially the miners. The pits were being really awkward, so we shut them. The cotton mills in Lancashire were killed off at the same Government meeting. They were angry but they fell into line from a registration point of view".
"Then came the 1990's, all of a sudden the money-grabbing was back in brass banding. Conductors charging far too much, players flitting about willy-nilly".
"The whole system was fucked again. It had seen sixty years of conformity to the rules but now the working class brass band was being raped by money grabbers once again".
"Now it has reached tipping point. Even shit conductors will charge £80 a pop. Players will join one band one week then another the next. The result has been the whole meltdown of the Brass Banding Registry."
It should be a cracking budget!
