The impending release of the Puntlins Holiday Camps Contest at Frogmorton-on-Sea in January-ish next year has drawn several band slappers out of the doldrums. They are now professionally touting their wares in the hope of meeting a professional footballer. Here is the pick of the bunch as selected by the Bandstand:-
Gemma Slipway - currently laiks 2nd cornet with the Trodbed Village Band, who will be competing in the 5th section. Likes it up the fanny but not so much up the arse, might piss on you if you ask her whilst you're lying in the bath and will generally put anything in her mouth if you buy her a couple of alcopops.
Lucy Brixton-Hughes - the well-known flugel player with the Montsegnior Reserves Band is anybody's once the nightclub gets going. Famous for once shitting onto the chest of Gary Barben from the Emley Potatoe Works Band when they shared a chalet last year when she was just nobbut underage. Well-known for falling asleep when she's had too many and been dragged outside and sexually assaulted up the vagina or the tradesmans whilst she is being physically sick.
Courtney Muffins - the Warrington chav once endured a four-way bukkake gang bang with members of the Tuppery & Sneedsdale Band (the currently reigning Flingthorpe Open Champions). She is hoping for a candlelit meal at the local Nando's with an accountant or a solicitor but, failing that, she will be up for poking in every hole and the resultant fluids dribbling upon her person.
Bandstand predictions:-
(1) Lucy Brixton-Hughes - her reputation precedes her, she should nail this one to the mast. If she performs as she has in the past then she should truly blossom.
(2) Courtney Muffins - proved last year she has no morals, this could be her year but we think runner up. Dirty as anything on earth but, on paper, not in the same league as Brixton-Hughes,
(3) Gemma Slipway - the newcomer may struggle, but she will stagger into the nightclub with hair extensions and her tits half-hanging out of her top.
Dark Horse - Elsie Brabinger of the Seaton Chemicals Band. Maybe the old girl could still win this one? She has false teeth she can take out, these other girls don't.
It should be a cracking contest!
