Thursday, 24 May 2012

Mavis did shit herself

Mavis Clutterbuck, the well-known face of the Leamington Spa Invitational Contest has admitted that she did shit herself on stage at this year's event.

Mavis, famous for the "Break a leg!" comment she has repeated to all competing bands backstage for 47 years, said, "I thought it was stomach cramp or a stitch. I thought I'd be safe to drop one but when my shitter rattled it all came out. I'm not joking there was shit everywhere, all down the back of my legs and running into my shoes. I wouldn't mind but the mayor and his wife were sat right behind me".

Clutterbuck's blushes were saved initially by contest controller Brian Ponticlare, who, magician-like, whipped the table cloth off the trophy table and huddled it around her shit-covered behind. She was escorted off stage and later claimed that she had "fainted".

However, she has now admitted that she did indeed shit herself on stage in front of the mayor and his wife. She said, "Fair cop, I shit myself, however I still look forward to next year's Leamington Spa Invitational. It should be a great event!"

The Mayor, Alderman Janus Golightly said, "It was me and my wife's first time at a brass band contest. We were bewildered. To be honest, we had better things to do with our day. Then this old woman shits herself in front of you. Never again."