The Bandstand is pleased to announce a masterclass on the current and ongoing Registry debate given by none other than well-respected brass band forum nose-poker-inner Horton Grimbald.
Under his online pseudonym of the East Anglian Sailing Boat Merchant, Grimbald has hijacked many an online brass banding thread by pompously talking down to people and claiming to have the solution to every banding problem.
He told the Bandstand, "It is no great surprise that the Registry debate has caused confusion and apathy within the banding movement. Most people still involved with brass banding lead sheltered lives and are slightly backward, perhaps retarded, but in a positive way. Here, I will use my far greater knowledge and intellect to explain exactly what is happening with the Registry so that all shall benefit".
"What the average brass band faces is two, or possibly three, distinct choices. You can continue with the EBR (English Banding Registery) or switch over to the BERBB (British English Registry of Brass Bands). However, do not forget that there is also the RE (Registration England plc)".
"Those bands attending their local Area contests under the BERBB or the RE scheme should be okay, But those attending with EBR cards will not be allowed at the National finals were they to qualify, because they have announced that they will only take cards of either the BERBB or the RE and definitely not the EBR."
"However, if you are attending the Area purely for grading points, i.e. you are shit and have no preconceptions about possibly winning, the EBR would be the way to go. This will still enable you to attend most of the tinpot march contests held throughout the summer, who, in a rather spiteful way, have suddenly clubbed together and said that they will not accept the BERBB or the RE cards at their events and will insist on EBR cards".
"But there is still a very real danger that the BERBB could yet merge with the EBR in an effort to undermine the RE. But the RE are also in talks with the BERBB to possibly agree a communal way forward and screw the EBR".
"And yet the EBR could still align with the RE to put the final nail in the coffin of the BERBB".
"It is all still in the melting pot and I could not blame a commercial website like your own for stirring it up beyond belief. In fact I know that you know that there was some stuff nicked from the EBR offices by disgruntled employees of the BERBB. If I was you I would report it to the Police!"
