The St. Waylands Band from Chinnery-on-the-Wold have announced that Colonel Mustard off of Cluedo has been appointed to lead them at next year's Dearneshire Area Contest.
Excited Band Secretary Marjorie Outhwaite told the Bandstand, "To secure the services of Colonel Mustard is absolutely unbelievable. His knowledge of moderately popular board games should set us up nicely for that cunning game of chess that is the average Area Contest!"
"To make him feel at home we have even added our own Miss Scarlett to the team! On 2nd horn! Let's hope he doesn't do her in the Library with his length of lead pipe!"
A bemused Colonel Mustard said, "I have spent the last forty years living in various people's lofts waiting to be brought down into daylight on Christmas Day to save the family from having to talk to each other. But the really galling thing about all this was that the American's changed the name of the game to Clue. Why the fuck would they do that? Cluedo is only two syllables, yet the Americans have to water even that down to one syllable to be able to sell it. That really fucked me off!"
"Anyway, I shall take command of the St. Waylands Band and quite probably catch their Miss Scarlett in the Library and do her over with my length of lead pipe. At least I'll finally be able to empty my Professor Plums!"
Boom! Boom!
