Notoriously buxom flugel laiker Chesty Bainbridge is the new horn section at the Leightonstone Leaflet Folders Band.
Band Manager Michael Gladfowl said, "Chesty is a super player, to have her within our ranks is an honour. And those tits, fuck me! Sadly we've had to sack two horn players because she needs somewhere to rest her tits at rehearsals, and there simply isn't room. However, it does mean that we can now play seven on the front row, and with Gordon Gracenote's fiendishly cornet-heavy Extreme Similarities probably being chosen for next year's Area contest, it could be a blessing in disguise!"
The Band's Uniform Distribution Executive Carol Makepeace said, "I'm fucked! Do I order a huge jacket with interwoven scaffolding that will fit her tits in or a large pair of trousers that she can tuck them into? Either way, the blokes in the band haven't looked past the size of her tits, it's cost us a horn section!"
Musical Director Paul Peaches said, "Working with Chesty has been fantastic, she has enormous tits! Musically it is a challenge, we have lost a horn section, apparently, and working out where Chesty's upper arm finishes and her tit starts is a bit of a conundrum. However, we will get there, so I say watch out all you other bands at our local Area contest who don't have a flugel player with tits like space hoppers!"
