Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Advert: Cockby Town Council Music Services

Peripatetic Teaching Co-Ordinator (circa £25,000)
Cockby Town Council seek an overweight, sexually repressed individual with an interest in touching young children inappropriately to head up their Peripatetic Brass Teaching Network. The ideal candidate will demonstrate a good level of kiddy fiddling skills. The ability to perform a full internal diaphragm check would be an advantage.

Artistic Performance Restriction Executive (circa £150,000)
The Council seek an officious, pompous twat with a little moustache and a clipboard to implement their 2012 Artistic Performance Restriction Programme. The ideal candidate will demonstrate the ability to cancel all brass band concerts in Cockby Park due to budget constraints and allow Cockby Bandstand to fall into disrepair and become a haven for drug addicts.

CV's in confidence to Leonard Philadelphia, Cockby Town Council, The Town Hall, Winnie Mandela Terrace, Cockby.