Baritone legend Brian Grooms has told the Ainley Top Bandstand how he got his baritone stuck up his arse. Grooms said, "I was masturbating one evening last week and wanted something to stimulate my anus at the same time. I couldn't find a banana or a pump action toothpaste dispenser, so I hit on the idea of using my baritone".
"However, at the onset of the vinegar strokes, my starfish went into spasm and gripped the instrument so tightly I couldn't free it".
Grooms had an embarassing trip to casualty where a doctor was able to relax his anus, allowing release of the instrument. As a result, Grooms will be back in action with the Pondsford Mills Band next weekend.
