Major General Fred Stanton has announced a major coup ahead of next Sunday's Bands In Concert Championship at the John Motson Conference Centre, Wetwang. Stanton has been engaged to conduct the Pimpston Colliery Band and has involved a popular old friend.
Stanton told the Bandstand, "We are finishing with Wagner's 'Sigmund's Procession to the Chip Shop', which of course has a notoriously lofty soprano part throughout. Frankly, the sop player at Plimpston wasn't up to the task, so I told the little ratbag to step down".
"Thankfully, due to my stature in world music, I have friends around the world who are top, top players. A call to my good friend, American screamer trumpet legend Massey Ferguson, and he dropped everything (except his trumpet) and jumped on a flight over here!"
"Massey has settled in well and he and I will pick up £2,500 each, which is a huge boost just before the contest. Members of Plimpston Colliery will be in the foyer with buckets collecting to cover this unforeseen additional cost, and I ask the public to dig deep".